Happily Dying
by Blue-Eyed-Hime26
Summary: One of Kakuzu's test subject gets a glimpse at the hidden wonders of Kakuzu and Hidan. In her last moments of life she witnesses true love, true horror, and true humor. Really funny! I may also write a more serious version. KakuHida and slight SasoDei.


"Aw shit. Looks like you got me after all, huh Big Guy." I muttered to myself, sitting up and holding my head in my hands. I looked down to see that I was in a cot with white sheets and a white pillow. Strangely resembling a hospital bed…

"Dayum! Did I get captured or did I get drunk at a party?" I asked no one in particular. I swung my legs off of the bed, preparing to jump down when something that felt like cords wrapped around my throat and dragged me back into the bed. Once there I was quickly strapped down with belts going around the entire bed.

"Hm… I was wondering where you went…" I said squinting into the darkness to try and find the man.

"You wanted to find me? Not a good move." I heard the familiar voice say. I turned my head as much as I could towards where to voice was coming from and grinned when I found the eyes piercing through the darkness.

"Kakuzu! There you are!" I exclaimed happily. Kakuzu stepped into the light and rolled his eyes.

"Yes, yes go ahead and have your fun while you're still living." He told me, hitting the nail right on the head. Kakuzu and some man who I never actually got to see since I was fighting Kakuzu the whole time had taken over my village. They killed my entire family on the spot but Kakuzu decided to do some lab work on me since I was 'young and untainted'. Tch, whatever.

So, as Kakuzu so bluntly pointed out, I decided that instead of mourning in my last moments of life I would happily annoy the man as much as humanly possible. Yup, good plan.

"So Kakuzu what's on your agenda for toda-…?" My question was cut short when a tube was quickly pushed down my throat. I choked and gagged for a moment before looking up at him and tilting my head to the side in a silent question. Kakuzu only grinned evilly.

"I hope this tastes good." He said before pushing a button that began to slowly leak liquid into my stomach. I groaned and hissed in pain as my insides seemed to fizzle. It was some sort of acidic liquid and I knew for sure I was a goner now.

And I couldn't even speak to annoy Kakuzu anymore.

"OI, KAKUZU!"

Kakuzu's head snapped up and mine… twitched awkwardly as I tried to look towards the door. There were quick and light footsteps, like someone running, coming towards the door. Kakuzu groaned and dropped his head into his hands. It was actual quite comical. I wished the acid would've taken affect then so that I could remember that image all the way through the afterlife.

"Hidan…" he grumbled to himself as the door was flung open and a triumphant looking silver-haired man burst in.

"Kakuzu! Look what I got!" he sang happily, dangling a small shopping bag from his fingers. The bag was black with red lace and the cursive writing on the front read "Toys for Teens".

Kakuzu's face flushed red and I began choking on the tube… not that I wasn't already choking. Hidan frowned in confusion and opened his mouth to ask Kakuzu what the problem was when he spotted me. His eyes widened and he quickly stuffed the bag out the door and slammed it behind him.

"Kakuzu!" He pouted. "You're supposed to tell me when you have someone in here! I could do something stupid one of these days!"

Kakuzu snorted, "So… that wasn't stupid? And it wasn't stupid when you came bursting in here in a Lolita costume? And it wasn't stupid when you broke one of my test subjects when you came in here and jumped me in the middle of a very precise surgery? And it wasn't stupid when you came thundering down the hallway screaming about how badly you wanted to-"

"Okay! I get it! I'm stupid!" Hidan cried, stopping Kakuzu's rant and frowning, turning his back to the miser. Kakuzu sighed heavily and looked down at me. I looked back up at him and quirked an eyebrow before motioning towards Hidan with a nod. Oh well, might as well get a good YAIO show before I'm burned alive from the inside. Kakuzu looked at me in disbelief for a moment.

"Hidan." He called gently, holding out his arms for the smaller boy. Hidan turned around and grinned before walking over and slipping himself into Kakuzu's lap.

"I'm sorry 'Kuzu…" He whispered. Kakuzu sighed and kissed Hidan on the top of his head.

"I was just excited to give you your Monday present." The zealot continued with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Kakuzu smiled.

"And how will my Monday present differ from my Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday presents?" Kakuzu asked with obvious amusement. Hidan grinned and motioned towards the door which the shopping bag lay behind.

"I'll just have to show you later." He purred happily, nuzzling Kakuzu's neck. Kakuzu sighed and looked back down at me. I just kept looking back up at him.

"Probably only a few more minutes now…" he muttered. Hidan frowned and looked down at me as well. I raised my hand in a friendly wave and with a confused look, Hidan waved back.

"Chick from the village we torched?" He asked his partner. Kakuzu nodded and with a grin, I flipped them both off. To my surprise, Kakuzu's seemingly hot-headed partner laughed.

"I like this girl!" He exclaimed, earning a chuckle from the man whose lap he was still occupying.

"Of course you do love…" He mumbled, kissing Hidan gently on the cheek.

I could've happily died right then. Hidan liked me and I got to see a bit of YAIO action. Plus, the pair was a bit humorous. I felt my body caving in and I smiled at the loving pair that was currently staring into each other's eyes. I would die perfectly content…

"HIDAN! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, UN!" A voice screamed from in the hallway where… the bag was.

"Deidara, PUT THAT DOWN!" another voice commanded.

"Danna!" The first voice whined.

And then I died laughing.


End file.
